


Wish on the Same Sky

by thaliamari



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Monsta X song, Showki, Slice of Life, Wish on the Same Sky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 14,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25393801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thaliamari/pseuds/thaliamari
Summary: Shownu and Kihyun have been together for seven years. They knew they still love each other but why does it feel different now?"Let's just break up."Life just got in between and no one really moved on.- referenced from the song "Wish on the Same Sky" by MONSTA X -
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 20
Kudos: 34





	1. Life Got in Between

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my Twitter AUs that I made a few months ago with the same title. I do not major in English so excuse any grammatical mistakes.
> 
> I do not own any MONSTA X content. Any similar storyline or scene may be of pure coincidence and has no intentions of plagiarism. This is purely fictional and does not intend to reflect the actual personality of the character being used. I do not claim any photos that I will be using as mine; all credits belong to the rightful owners.

**SHOWNU'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

Article Headline 1:

**_2TGOM CEO Hyunwoo Son hailed as Korea's 2019 CEO of the Year_ **

Article Headline 2:

_**Seoul University professor Kihyun Yoo receives international award for medical dissertation** _

* * *

_Bzzzt...bzzt._

I felt a continuous vibration from my pocket. I slightly pressed my hand on my phone without averting my gaze from an important shareholders' presentation commencing in front of me. The vibration lasted for a few minutes—must've been a phone call.

_It must be him._

No other person came to mind. Fully knowing that it was _him_ , I suddenly couldn't get back to my concentration anymore.

Although I had the opportunity to check it for some time, I only managed to check it on my way back to my office. As soon as I read the message, I knew right away what the message was trying to imply.

* * *

from Kihyun:

_Let's talk._

* * *

Those two words were enough to make me think that today is the day I've been fearing the most. We ignored it for the past days—or maybe months—and now he's choosing to address that situation already.

_He wanted to break up._

Funny how that's the first thing that crossed my mind. We haven't really spoken to each other for weeks and I could barely remember the last time I saw him. I could still see him in pictures all over my social media accounts and in articles whenever he was featured. But that's it. We've been busy with our own careers. **_Or is it just me?_**

For the past year, we've been both successful with our dreams. I was appointed CEO of the family company and he graduated in medical school. I have been busy with the company and I could agree that for the past year, my mind and my life have been dominated more about work than it ever have been dominated by him. 

It's not that I find it wrong though. I think being occupied by your career is a normal thing. But considering that I used to think about him a lot, something must have gone wrong. Before, even after a hard day's work, we never failed to communicate with each other and say nice words to help us get through the day.

_It's just that... suddenly, things changed._

_Half of me thought breaking up was for the best of us._

* * *

to Kihyun:

_I'm sorry for replying late. Can we meet later? Around 7 pm, at the usual place._

* * *

**"Cancel all my appointments tonight,"** I told Jooheon, my secretary and my longtime best friend, once we returned to the office.

He looked at me in confusion. **"Are you going somewhere else? Urgent matter?"**

I sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling the back of my head aching. I pursed my lips in hesitation, **"Kihyun wanted to meet."** _The way those words came out of my mouth was bitter and disappointing._

Jooheon looked back at me as if he was surprised. **"It's been long since the last time you both saw each other personally,"** he replied. **"I'm glad you're both making some time for each other... _again_."**

_Time—maybe that's the thing we've been lacking for the past months._

I sighed. **"It's not what you think it is."** I paused, thinking of the possibility. _**"I think we're going to break up."**_

Jooheon looked at me as if I was some kind of bug under his microscope. **"Are you serious?!"** he shrieked in disbelief. **"Because if you are really serious, then you should stop."** He paused as he sat on the couch across me, hands on his waist as if he was seconds away from giving me a life lecture. **"You know what? You'll go crazy just by the thought of him being with someone else, Shownu. Don't even try to pretend. You're not going to make it out alive without him."**

_Jooheon couldn't get any more dramatic, could he?_

**"Do I look like I'm joking?"** I shot back, trying to maintain my composure. **"I'm busy with work and he's busy with his research. We're even** **too busy to afford phoning each other once in a week."**

Jooheon frowned at me as if he was disappointed to hear those words coming from me. **"I'll forget about him while I work. It can't be that awful. Honestly, I don't even think about him while I'm at work."** I felt something hard on my throat—urging me not to say it—before I managed to voice out the next words. _**"Maybe we're just meant to grow apart... and that's okay."**_

Jooheon shrugged his shoulders and sighed as if he has given up talking to me. When it comes to these kind of topics, Jooheon always give me the harshest perspective on the situation and I didn't like opening things up to him, especially these days when I'm fully aware that Kihyun has been opening up to him about how _cold_ our relationship has become.

 **"Just don't do things you might end up regretting later,"** he said.

I raised a brow, my voice trying to be defensive. **"Do you think I'll regret breaking up with him?"**

He looked at me in disbelief as if I just said the dumbest thing ever. His eyebrows met, **"Honestly? Yeah. Don't even try to deny it."**

_I wished I didn't bother asking him._

**"He's the one who wanted to break up,"** I defended.

Jooheon's next question occurred to me without a warning and I wasn't ready for it. _**"Seriously, do you think you're okay not being with him?"**_

Actually, I didn't have a definite answer for that either. Kihyun and I have been in a relationship for seven years and I've known him for eight years. I'm already twenty-four and it's really weird to think that one-third of my life was already spent with him.

Looking back, we didn't really start smoothly like most couples did. We could barely complete a day without getting into each other's nerves and I'm always the one who tends to get heated in an argument first and Kihyun would walk out of the room mad. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's a wonder how Kihyun put up with me for so long.

 **"It wouldn't be so hard,"** I replied.

Jooheon looked at me with a disgusted face once again. **"Are you trying to convince me?"** he asked. **"You just seemed like you're trying to convince yourself. Seriously Shownu, your pride gets way too much in your decisions sometimes."**

_I survived sixteen years without him, so why can't I survive the next years without him as well?_

We're still young and we're both on the peak of our careers. It's a shame to actually think that life would stop for the both of us just because of a seven-year relationship we failed to work out. It might just be a phase everybody has to go through.

There are lots of other people out there. There are more than seven billion people in this world and let's say around half of them are single. My point is, _there are other people. My life doesn't necessarily have to revolve solely for Kihyun Yoo. **I could do and go on without Kihyun Yoo.**_

Repeating the words in my mind, I replied, **"I'll be fine without him."**

Jooheon sighed. I could tell he's accumulating lots of stress in this conversation more than I do and it shows. **"You don't have to break up. You can talk about it. Honestly, you two have a weird way of communicating with each other... you two have lots of pride and tend to go with the snide remarks rather than saying what you two really mean."** He paused before he started wearing his coat. **"You've been together for seven years and that's relatively long compared to other relationships who barely lasted a year. If you two held on to each other for seven years then obviously, something is working for the both of you."**

After that, Jooheon left as if he just dropped the bomb just like that.

I was left there in frustration.

_So, what now?_

* * *

_I was ready to whatever Kihyun would say._

_—or at least, that's what I've been saying to myself on my way here._

I waited patiently at the park where we often go to as our meeting place for dates and other stuff. It's near our university where we once go to and the vibe around here is relaxing. We both confessed to each other right here, argued and made up here, and I think this is even where we're going to break up.

_How funny could that be?_

If he wanted to break up then so be it. If he wanted to talk and try to fix things then I'm okay with it too. If he just wanted to sit, grab some drinks, and talk about nonsense then that's fine with me as well.

I knew I've always been prepared for worst-case scenarios, especially with the way I was already trained to do so in the company, but all my confidence and arrogance suddenly disappeared like smoke the moment I finally saw Kihyun walking towards me. I'm even feeling a little hot and sweaty but I _froze._

The moment he appeared right in front of me, our distance barely a meter away from each other, he forced a smile on his lips hesitantly.

_**"Hyunwoo."** _

As soon as he called me by that name, I knew right away that something isn't right. He only calls me that when he's excited or sad. _I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first one._

I could easily tell he lost weight. His skin was more pale than the usual and his eyes were a little swollen—I could tell he cried on his way here. He looks so hurt and I couldn't help but think that he's always been so wonderful no matter how many times I'd look at him.

_**"Thanks for meeting me."** _

_When did it come to this point where he had to thank me just by seeing him?_

_We were never like this._

_Have we really gone back to being strangers now?_

I felt a pain in my chest as I replied. **"It's okay."** _It's not. We're not._

He sat with me on the bench. **"You still look fine,"** he started. **"Congratulations for getting the CEO of the Year award. You've always wanted to achieve that, right? I figured you'd look stressed and you'd have those dark eyebags under your eyes... and that you lost weight for barely getting sleep..."** he paused for a short moment as he forced a faint smile, **"...but I guess you're still perfect."**

_I'm at a loss for words. This conversation feels suffocating. Why are we having this kind of conversation as if we're friends who just randomly saw each other on the street after long years of not seeing each other? Is this even how normal couples would talk on a daily basis? Actually, when did talking to Kihyun become suffocating?_

**"Congratulations for your dissertation and international award too,"** I replied.

_Why are we congratulating each other on an achievement that was already a month overdue? Did we really have to talk about this now? I know this isn't what he came to talk about. Why is he prolonging my agony then?_

**"I'll be promoted as an associate professor soon. I don't know if I have already mentioned it to you,"** he said.

_I don't know. You didn't tell me anything. We have stopped talking about our everyday lives. We have stopped updating each other for some time now. It's even funny that we found out about each other's achievements on the news rather than hearing it coming from each other. We used to tell each other the slightest thing, even if one of us is just stepping out to buy some groceries, we'd tell each other that. Right now, we aren't **that** anymore._

I closed my eyes for a moment with a mixed feeling of annoyance and frustration. **"What's really the thing you wanted to say?"**

_I wished I could get back those words. I sounded so rude._

He looked at me with disbelief and with a disappointed expression. **"You're always in a rush, aren't you?"** he said, the tone of his voice was something that didn't please my ears.

I sighed. **"No... it's not like that. It's okay. I cancelled all my appointments tonight,"** I paused before I continued, **" _For you_."**

 **"Then why are you in such a rush?"** the tone of his voice started to get emotional. **"We never see each other anymore, Hyunwoo. Isn't it a little bit off that I had to call you, which you didn't answer or bothered calling back, and text you just so we could meet each other? You might say that I'm overreacting but to think that we live in the same city with barely a fifteen-minute drive from each other—"** his voice faded, **"It's just so... _sad_."**

 **"You know how I'm busy with work,"** I defended. It was a lame excuse, fully knowing that everyone else has work too but it doesn't necessarily mean that they neglect the people they love. Nothing rational was coming to my mind. I was panicking.

He sighed. **"I know, Hyunwoo. I'm not blaming your work because I have a fair share of guilt about being busy with my research too."**

_Are we even going to argue about who's busier and who's at less fault for not being able to update and communicate?_

**"I'm not going to argue about who's busier but..."** he pursed his lips and I could tell he's a few seconds away from breaking down. **"Is this really going to work for the both of us? I don't want to be like those petty couples. You know... those petty couples who ask each other questions like _'me or work'_? You know damn well that I could support you with your career until the very end." **I saw him clenching his fist and his voice started to crack from tears. _**"But Hyunwoo... can't you see? It's just not fair."**_

 **"What do you want me to do then?"** I asked.

The last time I saw him cry was probably a year ago when one of his research papers didn't qualify for the international conference he was looking forward to attend. _Or is it just that I don't even know the small tears he's having before he goes to bed?_

_I don't know. I don't know anymore. I used to know him a lot. What happened?_

He sighed. **"I just want to be with you again... to hang out, talk... like we used to."** He looked at me and it pained me to see his swollen eyes piercing right through mine. **"Haven't you noticed at all? It's been so long since the last time we actually talked."**

 **"I know,"** was my dry reply.

 **"If you knew then why didn't you bother to do anything about it?"** he asked. I couldn't bare to hear his crying voice any longer. I couldn't hold him and comfort him when I'm the main reason why he's being like that. I was left in an awkward position. **"It's always me texting you first,"** he started. **"I'm always the one to send you more than ten messages a day from which you don't bother responding. I'm always the first one to reach out and call you only to be disappointed that you won't pick up or even bother calling back. And even if we did manage to talk to each other at the end of the day, our talk barely lasts for two minutes."**

He closed his eyes, little tears escaping his eyes, as he continued. _**"It's just that... it's so cold, Hyunwoo. I'm not liking it anymore. We really changed so much for the past year."**_

_I don't like it either._

_I could hardly even think of what to say. All of the words he said were attacking me and I didn't bother to dodge it. I was guilty and I knew that._

_There was a short moment of silence before Kihyun finally said the words I've been expecting._

**"Let's break** **up,"** he said. _**"We should just break up, Hyunwoo."**_

_Even if I did expect that this is where our conversation was heading to, I realized I wasn't really prepared for anything. Even if I have already made up my mind that I was okay with whatever decision he will be having, hearing them coming out of his mouth... hurt more than what I anticipated._

_It was torturous. It's as if part of myself is on the verge of dying._

I held back the urge to cry but the way my voice was unstable almost betrayed me. **"Kihyun, that's not what we want."**

 **"Then what do yo suggest we'd do? How is it gonna work for us?"** he asked as if he was challenging me. **"You can't tell me that you'll work less. You're always working and I'm always studying. We must've really changed for the past year because I could barely recognize us anymore. It's like we're strangers now,"** he continued. **"Things seemed to be easy for us back then but right now, I couldn't even tell the difference when I'm with you and I'm not with you anymore. Even right now that you're right here beside me, I don't like this new feeling anymore... it's like I know your name but I don't know what you've been up to anymore. It's like we're back to the starting line again."**

_He's already giving up._

_How could he give up so easily? We've been through worse scenarios than this—through our breakdowns, failures, and even the loss of people important to us. Didn't we all work it out together before? Didn't we hold each other's hands, saying comforting words that saved the both us from our personal pits?_

_Why... why can't we do it any longer? What is it that we lost along the way? Love? Trust? Time? Patience? Did we really allow things to turn out like this when we could barely allow our past fights to fester and grow for a day or two before?_

**"Can't we understand each other a little bit more?"** I asked. I couldn't believe I'm the one trying to fight for this when I was arrogantly talking about being fine of breaking up just a few moments ago?

 **"I'm always the one understanding you, Hyunwoo,"** he answered. **"I can't hold on any longer when you're not even giving me any reason to stay. Maybe the whole reason why I held on to this relationship was because of the seven-year worth of memories we had. Maybe that was the only thing left for me to hold on before, that I was just holding on because I don't want to waste those seven years together if I let go."**

He paused before he sighed. **"But there's no point in torturing ourselves with this concept anymore. There's no point in trying to water this relationship that isn't capable of blooming flowers anymore. You know what I mean? _We both deserved better._ "**

_Had I really disappointed him too much?_

_Had I really neglected him so much that he thinks it's already impossible for us to believe and hope that we could still work things out?_

He neared me and I could instantly feel myself panicking. He looked at me straight in the eyes as he held my hands. His hands were cold and I could feel them slightly trembling. I wanted to hold him close like how I usually did whenever he's cold but right now, holding him after hearing him say those words... _what would that make me?_

Our eyes locked. _Why did you want to end us?_

_They say you'd only truly appreciate the value of something until you're on the verge of losing it or if you already lost it. I've always appreciate Kihyun my whole life and yet why—_

_To anybody else, he wasn't special. He's just the typical person who works his ass off in order to survive and catch up with the social ladder. He doesn't have the standards society could usually appreciate. He's just averagely good-looking and averagely smart._

_He's just a Kihyun Yoo._

_Yet why? What's so special and unique about Kihyun that made it obvious that I didn't want to look twice at another person?_

He pulled me into a kiss.

It only lasted for a short time but it felt suffocating. It felt like it actually punctured a hole in my chest, our memories flashing back at the back of my mind as his lips left mine. The kiss was bittersweet— _it's as if it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life._

He looked at me with tears falling on his cheeks. _He loved me. And I could feel that he still loves me. But... why?_

There were no goodbyes. He just ran off and the sight of him slowly disappearing from my sight made it harder for me to breathe. _I could still feel him in my hands, in my arms... in my lips._

I wanted to run to him and ask him for a second chance. But then, what? I couldn't guarantee anything. _What could I possibly offer when I myself is unsure of it?_

My feet froze in its place until Kihyun disappeared into the crowd.

_I survived sixteen years without him, I'd surely survive the next decades without him as well._

_I'm going to be okay._

_I could go on and live like how I usually do. I'd go to work in the morning, do my usual routine, and sleep soundly after a day's a work._

_But I didn't want to live just to get by—I don't want to live just to survive._

_I wanted to be happy. And without Kihyun Yoo, would that even be possible?_

_Is it really possible to just suddenly live without someone and go back to the way you were without them after feeling home with them for so long?_

**_Maybe. Just maybe. Or maybe not?_**


	2. Letters to Kihyun (A is for?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine months later, Kihyun finds himself receiving letters from Shownu—a dare Jooheon set up.

**KIHYUN'S POINT OF VIEW**

_\- nine months later -_

* * *

from jooheon:

_Hey, Kihyun. Don't be surprised about what you'll receive starting tomorrow, okay?_

_Shownu lost in a bet with me when we were drinking the other day._

_I really tried my best to win because I think this will help him start anew._

_And this is not to guilt trip you or something, okay?_

_I hope you are doing well. Let's meet some other time._

* * *

**DAY 1: OCTOBER 28, 2020**

**"Hey, Kihyun, you have a delivery on your table,"** Minhyuk, my co-professor, said the moment I returned from my last class for the morning session.

I raised a brow in confusion. **"Delivery?"** I asked.

He shrugged. **"I don't know but they look like they're apples. Did you order apples?"**

I never felt more confused. **"Why would I order apples?"** I asked in an obvious manner. **"I don't like apples."**

Minhyuk just shrugged again as he left. I quickly went to my table, and I immediately caught a glimpse of a box containing apples and apple candies.

The letter on the side caught my attention and once I started reading it, _I knew right away what this whole thing is about._

I opened the letter and started reading it, having no exact clue what this whole thing was about except for the fact that Jooheon gave me a slight heads-up about it through a text message yesterday.

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

_I bet Jooheon already told you about this. I lost on a bet he set up and he dared me to do this starting today but that punk must've something in mind. Who knows._

_I'll be doing more of this for the next twenty-five days and I hope you're not going to be annoyed. I hope you'll read this until the very end even though you're not into corny stuff like this. I hope this wouldn't end up in the trash can._

_So here it is, Jooheon dared me to think of any object, place, person, or memory related to us that corresponds to each letter of the alphabet. I know he's aware that I hate these kind of stuff too so maybe he's doing it on purpose to annoy the hell out of me._

_Okay, but nevertheless, here it is._

** _A is for Apple_ **

_You have probably anticipated this because this letter came with the apples and I honestly hope you didn't freak out._

_I don't know but apples remind me of you. You hate apples that much and when I asked you what the reason was, it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard._

_You said you hate apples because they reminded you of how Snow White almost killed herself and how naive she could be for trusting people so easily. You said that trusting someone is both a strong and a weak point. In this cruel and unfair world that we're living in, you said it's best not to trust people so easily because their words might be shiny as a freshly-picked apple on the outside but once you get deep into it, they'll haunt you like a poison._

_Now that I think about it, you have a point._

_When I think of that, I'm thankful to know that you have trusted me a lot during the times we were together. After all, trust is much easier to lose than gain._

_Well anyway, aside from the fact that you hate apples, did you remember that time where you have to do a photoshoot for one of our courses and the concept involved apples? I still have that photo though._

__

_I know you don't like eating apples but you know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away._

_Funny though, because you're the doctor._

_Okay, that's lame._

_But seriously, I hope you'll stay healthy. You tend to get sick easily and I hope you don't overwork yourself. You're going to start treating patients soon so it's good to stay healthy in order to help other people. You know that, right?_

_'Til tomorrow again._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

I closed the letter and stared at the apples in front of me. I took one of it and tried to eat.

_It tastes horrible as always._

Who likes apples anyway?

I still remember those times when Hyunwoo and Jooheon would always play a prank, putting apple crumbs on my food or drinks but I would recognize it's smell right away.

I stood up and I have this kind of unexplainable feeling in me. It's been nine months since we broke up and I haven't heard much of him except when I casually see him in the business columns of newspapers and news sites.

In fact, I don't think much about him anymore especially that I'm busy with studies and work.

I took my phone and started typing.

* * *

to hyunwoo:

_Hey, thanks for the apples._

_They taste horrible as always but thanks._

_I didn't throw them in the trash can, just so you know._

_And you have a bad handwriting, try to encode it next time._

* * *

_He's right. This shit is so corny and lame, but why am I anticipating too much for tomorrow? I'd lie if I say that this thing didn't give me a little bit of excitement._

_Half-excitement and half-nervousness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are appreciated! If you want to reach me out in my CuriousCat account, you may do so @thaliawrites_mx.


	3. Letters to Kihyun (B is for?)

**DAY 2: OCTOBER 29, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ B is for Basketball _ **

_You know how much I love basketball._

_I know this isn't supposed to be about me, but you, but I remembered those times when you used to cheer me up during my tournaments._

_I used to be a basketball varsity when we were in college and you always wait for me patiently to finish my training every day although it's already late._

_Honestly, I thought I never got to thank you for those times because you know—I don't speak my mind so much and you probably heard me cursing more than saying "thanks"._

_I know that it doesn't matter anymore right now, but thanks a lot._

_You also asked me to teach you how to play the basketball because you said you wanted to know how I feel when I'm playing the sports I love._

_And even though it wasn't your thing, you really tried hard._

_I remembered that I always end up teasing you because you were small (you can't kill me right now so I'm gonna say it) and that you can't aim rightly for shooting the ball. I was teasing you so much during those times that I didn't realize I was nearly offending you. You told me that you'd less it pass since it's me. You taught me that I shouldn't make fun of someone else's height or weight even as a joke because you might not know how much that would personally affect them._

_I was insensitive back then but I really appreciated those times when you tried to educate me on the things I'm lacking at._

_Nevertheless, my point is, I appreciate how much you always wanted to know how I feel and that's something I took advantage of you._

_I still have this banner you made during my last tournament in college. It was pretty simple but yours was my favorite among all the banners I saw that day._

__

_Ps. I already encoded it._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	4. Letters to Kihyun (C is for?)

**DAY 3: OCTOBER 30, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**C is for Christmas** _

_You might have expected this but... yeah,there's always something special about Christmas for us._

_Well at least for you, you love Christmas._

_You said Christmas is something you've been looking forward to every year because it holds a special place in your heart. You said it has always been a family tradition that you celebrate it together. Personally, I don't really care about Christmas celebrations at all. You see, I didn't have the best family background there is and you're well aware of that._

_Compared to you who seem to have a wonderful family you can spend Christmas with, I didn't have one._

_But when I met you, just as how you loved Christmas, I eventually became fond of it too._

_We have already shared Christmas seven times together but I'm only mentioning the first and the last one._

_The first one was memorable._

_I was surprised as well that this photo is still in my gallery. The first time we spent Christmas together, you came to my house and started decorating them right before Christmas Eve. I was always alone in the house and honestly, it didn't bother me the least bit. After that, we went to your house and we got to celebrate Christmas with your family too. They're all wonderful just like the person you are._

_Actually, before I met you, I was okay being alone. But now that we're not together anymore, I couldn't go back to that any longer._

_You always waited for me to come home to a place I never would've even called home if you weren't there. You gave me home that I didn't bother having. You gave me so much things I never got to have before meeting you._

_I wouldn't mention anymore how we spent Christmas last year, but just so you know, the stuffed toy you gave me is still here. Honestly, I still can't figure out if this is a bear or a seal or a hybrid of both._

_I wish you still anticipate for Christmas every year and I hope you'll get to spend it with the people you love as how you always did._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

I took my phone and went back to look at the photo I took of him from last Christmas.

_Now that I think of it, I don't know what it is too. I just bought it knowing that it somehow resembles you a lot?_

__

_Christmas is coming soon again and... I wonder how Christmas without you would feel like._


	5. Letters to Kihyun (D is for?)

**DAY 4: OCTOBER 31, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_D is for Dog_ **

_I know you liked cats and I'm the one who liked dogs._

_Honestly, we argued more than how our pets ever argued every time we put them together. Now that I think of it, our personalities would clash very much and we would fight at the slightest difference in opinions. Of course, you're Mr. Know-It-All and I'm not that good in decisions either._

_But good thing that even with all of that, we made it this far._

_I don't really have anything to say much about this one but I just want you to know that Peaches is fine and I hope Kiwi is doing well too._

_You actually dreamt of becoming a veterenarian at first because you love animals and I really find that cute._

_Don't let it get on your head too much though, Peaches is still way cuter. By the way, here's a picture of you and Peaches in my gallery._

__

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

to hyunwoo:

_Kiwi is doing okay too._

_I hope you're not feeding Peaches leftover food or I'll kill you._

* * *


	6. Letters to Kihyun (E is for?)

**DAY 5: NOVEMBER 1, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**E is for Easter** _

_First of all, today is November 1 All Saints Day and I'm sorry dear Lord for taking about Easter at this day. Please direct your wrath to Jooheon Lee._

_I didn't really know what Easter celebration was before until you asked me to come with you in a day care center to dress up for Easter one time._

_You said that just as how Christians believed that Easter is about Jesus coming back to life, you also believed that all of us are able to come out of our past or something that have chained us down in the shadows and start something anew._

_I don't know the logic behind your comparison but you've always been the type of person to think about deep things like that._

_Truthfully speaking, what you said struck me hard days after. As you know, I had a rough past in my family and I really hated you back then when you managed to find out about my messed up family and my messed up life. There was that point in my lie when I chose to shut people out and isolated myself from others because I've been scarred with all the emotional hurt I felt from my family._

_I was very problematic and I always throw myself to self-pity but you reached out your hand to me like the savior you are._

_Honestly, if it weren't for you, I never would've gotten myself out of my own past. It's just wonderful to think that there's actually someone out there who could turn your whole life around when you already gave up on yourself._

_I really thank you for that._

_Okay, that enough before things gets too deep since I was just supposed to talk about Easter. Damn you, I think I have become more like you, talking deep things out of nowhere._

_To end this, here's a picture of you during the Easter celebration we went at._

_It's a stolen shot, don't kill me._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	7. Letters to Kihyun (F is for?)

**DAY 6: NOVEMBER 2, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_F is for Film_ **

_Actually, I don't know if that's the right term. I just know that you love filming things and taking pictures in general._

_I learned taking pictures because of you._

_There was one time when we were classmates on a Film class back in college and you acted as the director of our production. You were cool back then and I really thought you'll be able to fit in to any work in the future. You have a creative mind and view on things and I really liked that._

_I hope you are still continuing to take pictures just as how you always do._

_Here are some of the pictures I took while you're all out on your photography skills._

_(Don't be flattered when I attach pictures, I'm trying to empty my phone space, okay?)_

__

_You said that you take pictures because you do not want to let go of the moment in front of your eyes. You said that things and people might easily change from time to time so it's nice that we can take pictures of them while we can._

_I didn't even think of something like that._

_Before I met you, my phone gallery was empty. But when you came along and started influencing me with your beliefs in life, I started to capture every moment I experience as well._

_There are lots of photos in my gallery so far—around 4,000 plus I guess. Among those, these two pictures were my favorite._

_You look different when you smile so much that your eyes are nowhere to be found._

_And for me, those were the moments I didn't want to change and let go._

_Although I am letting it go now, I hope you are still smiling the same way because honestly speaking, I haven't seen you smile so much for the past year anymore._

_I'm really sorry, Kihyun._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	8. Letters to Kihyun (G is for?)

**DAY 7: NOVEMBER 3, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**G is for Gym** _

_You hated going to the gym because you get tired easily just by working out for five minutes. I was honestly worried that you'll break your brittle bones anytime when I'm looking at you working out._

_I loved going to the gym because it has been a habit and you knew that._

_My point is, going through all the measures of doing something you don't usually like because I loved it was something that really touched my heart. I don't really know how you have this kind of ability—you know? touching someone's heart?_

_But then again, seriously, you have to start exercising everyday like how I always told you to._

_Back then, I'm really worried every time I leave the country for business meetings and leave you here for weeks._

_I'm worried that I wouldn't even be able to recognize you once I return because you became too pale or too thin, probably because you have eaten instant noodles the whole week or drank coffee five times a day. How could you even nag at me for working until late night when you even tried not sleeping for 48 hours straight because you wanted to top your departmental exam in Physiology?_

_I swear if your organs could only talk right now, they would've nagged at you for only feeding them caffeine and wax from instant noodles._

_I already said a lot but my point is, please take care of yourself. There's no point in working hard if you'll die early from overworking, stupid._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

But I literally just went straight from gym before reading this letter?


	9. Letters to Kihyun (H is for?)

**DAY 8: NOVEMBER 4, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_H is for Hamgom_ **

_I know you already expected this and I don't have to say much about it either._

_The only thing I wished was I hope you're not contaminating Hamgom with your saliva every time you sleep._

_Kidding aside, you knew that Hamgom was born because of you. Hamgom was my gift to you three years ago on your birthday and it was especially made for you by the company._

_I didn't really know why I named it Hamgom but I remembered teasing you that you looked like a hamster weeks before your birthday because you were small and adorable._

_Thankfully, I still have this selca of yours with Hamgom on my phone._

__

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	10. Letters to Kihyun (I is for?)

**DAY 9: NOVEMBER 5, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_I is for Ice Cream_ **

_I don't even know why you always loved ice cream. Well, you love all sorts of sweets anyway. Maybe that's why you are always hyper and full of energy._

_Honestly, I'm really worried that you already have too much sugar content accumulated in your body. You're also way too energetic for your own good._

_To think that you're always full of energy and still talks a lot at the end of every day is beyond my comprehension. I wasn't really the type to talk and open up a lot but I think I have become more sociable than an average person should be because of you._

_Truthfully, even right now that I'm writing this, I'm talking a lot and I don't even know how ice cream got me to this issue._

_But I really wished you should start eating healthy foods already. Honestly, how could a doctor have an unhealthy diet and eating habit?_

_I swear I even witnessed you memorizing how relevant those vitamins and minerals are for the body and what consequences you'll face when your body is lacking them but you're not the least bit alarmed at all._

_There was one time I gave you a spinach-flavored ice cream without your knowledge and you almost puked at me right after eating the first bite._

_I still caught that hilarious moment on my phone._

_Now that I'm talking about ice cream, you're making me crave ice cream. Like damn, it's 1:13 am?_

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	11. Letters to Kihyun (J is for?)

**DAY 10: NOVEMBER 6, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_J is for Jooheon_ **

_Before I even start this, he already told me beforehand that the letter J should be reserved for him because he said he was the one who helped us got together._

_Well, I wouldn't even be doing this either if it weren't for him and that stupid dare._

_But yeah, going back, I realized that Jooheon was the one who introduced us to each other back in college. Jooheon was my best friend ever since and he became your first friend in the university._

_The three of us are good friends._

_I really thanked him a lot for all his advice even though they were stupid sometimes. He has heard almost everything about my complaints especially whenever we argued and I thank him for it. I could only imagine how hard his position was whenever you would open up to him too whenever we'd argued and I'd end up ranting to him about the same issue as well._

_To be honest, if it weren't for Jooheon, I would've said lots of mean things to you, attempted to break up with you often, and ended up regretting it the next day._

_He always tells me that I wouldn't make it out alive without you. Part of me though he was just being dramatic—but I guess that now that I'm in this situation, he might actually be telling the truth._

_And before I could even elaborate on this topic, I'm cutting this already._

_I could even imagine Jooheon and his smug face right now because I'm submitting to his plan, doing something like this. I'm just on the tenth letter of the alphabet and this thing is already making me feel and regret a lot of things._

_I realized there were lots of words left unsaid and I wished I never would've hesitated saying them back then._

_Ps. He sent me these pictures of us from his gallery, I don't know what for._

__

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	12. Letters to Kihyun (K is for?)

**DAY 11: NOVEMBER 7, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_K is for Kihyun_**

_I'm sure you low-key expected for this. Jooheon also told me that I should choose Kihyun for K and he added a "special suggestion" for this segment._

_Honestly, I though he has this whole thing planned from the very start._

_He told me to write 10 things why I hate you._

_I don't even know why he asked for that. I mean, he could've asked me to write 10 things why I loved you?_

_But then, I think this one would be better and less corny so I'm kinda thankful he asked for this. Since it's awkward to say the things I hate about you while you're reading this, I'll talk in third person from now on to lessen my guilt._

_\---_

_**Reason 10** : I hate his corny and horrible jokes. I don't know where he managed to get those nerdy jokes but he really should stop that. And the way he tells them? I swear I'm more likely to laugh from the way he laughs before even finishing the joke than the joke itself. Anyway, he always tries so hard to make me smile and laugh when he knew I had a rough day. Does he think his jokes would make me less sad? Damn yes._

_**Reason 9** : I hate how he always manages to say things that makes me very much vulnerable to my emotions. **"If that's what makes you happy then it makes me happy too."** He always says something like that even though I knew he's sacrificing a lot by choosing me than his own wants. Is he not aware that just by saying that, he's making me feel special and he makes me want to cherish him more?_

_**Reason 8** :I hate how he's overly thoughtful. He always thinks about other people first before even thinking about himself. Not that it's a bad thing, but how could he not look after his own self too? Like does he know that he deserves the best too? Why can't he be selfish sometimes?_

_**Reason 7:** I hate how he's too friendly. Back then when we were still in university, he'd wave and smile to almost everyone he meets in the corridor. Does he think he's too famous that everybody wants his smile like that? I swear he's a few seconds away from putting himself into trouble because he's being too friendly. Does he not know the risk he's been putting himself into by being too nice? Reality is an ugly place and not all people deserve to see how pure and innocent his smile is. I hope he'd at least realize that._

_**Reason 7 (Part 2?):** This just crossed my mind. While we're at it about him being too friendly, I hate that he's too friendly with other people especially that guy named Wonho. Does he not even know that Wonho likes him? All the more, doesn't Wonho realize that Kihyun and I are dating already? I'm not being jealous though, I'm just asking._

_**Reason 6:** I hate how clumsy he is. I mean, who trips himself on a clear, flat road? There was even one time where he fell from the stairs because he missed a step and he has to cling on me while walking for support for two months. He always runs in the hallways like a child and talks from the top of his lungs... is that even normal? I'm not really complaining. Maybe, I'm just missing it? For the past year, I've never seen him like that anymore and it saddens me sometimes._

_**Reason 5:** I hate how hardworking he is. I mean, he's too hardworking for an average person. He's too competitive. He's always all out when it comes to his studies and his dreams. He always thinks that being on the top is everything. I don't blame him though, maybe it has something to do with meeting the expectations of his parents? I always tell him that he should take a rest sometimes and that it's okay not to be on the first place always but he says he's afraid to accept criticisms—and that broke my heart. I wish he'd be happier and that he doesn't have to compromise his own happiness just because he wants to meet someone else's expectations._

_**Reason 4:** I hate how he makes me feel complete when he's around and empty when he's not. I've gotten used to him that I can't return back to how I was before meeting him._

_**Reason 3:** I hate how he managed to squeeze his way into my not-too-lovable heart. I admit that it takes a very patient and understanding person to be able to handle someone like me. Despite knowing all my past, my failures, my mistakes, and my weaknesses, he managed to see beyond those things and chose to focus on the things I can do. He made me feel someone like me is worth the try._

_**Reason 2:** I hate how he always waits for me even though he knew I was too busy to come. Whether it would be in a text message, phone call, or waiting for me at home from work, he's the one who always waited. He always says things like **"You have me always"** and **"I'll be right here waiting"** and he has been doing that all the time—not until I messed things up and I made it possible for him to give up on waiting for me even for a little bit more._

_**Reason 1:** He made me feel like I was worth it and he always managed to see the best in me when I couldn't find something from me worth loving. _

_Honestly, I realized that the reasons I just wrote aren't really reasons for hating him at all. I realized they were the reasons why I fell in love with him even though I barely admit to loving him so much._

_The only reason I could think of on why I hate him so much was because he proved me wrong that I could do without him._

_I hate that he left me with nothing at all._

_How could he break up with me after all those seven years? It's scary to know that two people can still break up even after knowing and staying with each other for too long._

_Still, I loved him too much that it's impossible for me to wish I never should've met him in the first place._

_He made me kinder and do things I never imagined myself doing so even if it's not going to be with him in the end, the moments we had were worthwhile and I wouldn't think twice of remembering them as something precious._

_\---_

_I'm sorry that this is a little bit too open. Please don't send replies about this._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

**_It's all fun and dares until it got too real—wtf?_ **


	13. Letters to Kihyun (L is for?)

**DAY 12: NOVEMBER 8, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**L is for Lollipop** _

_I know lollipops are very important to you. You eat lollipops whenever you are stressed or flustered or nervous._

_I remembered how you ate five lollipops in less than an hour before your speech examination because you said you have a stage fright. Nevertheless, you still aced that exam and got the highest score for that._

_I think the last time I personally gave you a lollipop was when you were nervous about the results of your entrance examination for the medical school you've always wanted to go to. In the end, you made it as the top scorer._

_You're great._

_There were times when I asked myself if I'm even a good match for you._

__

_You do remember this picture, right?_

_I was scrolling through our shared photos in Messenger and I saw this selca you sent._

_I remembered this was the time when you were convincing me that you're gonna be okay going to an interview alone and I don't have to worry. I was out of the country that time and I felt sorry for not being able to go with you on your crucial times._

_You always assured me that I don't have to feel guilty for things I couldn't do for you and I've always appreciated that._

_Here are your favorite lollipops and I wish you don't have to open them too soon._

_I sincerely wish you don't have to be in a situation where you're all stressed and flustered._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	14. Letters to Kihyun (M is for?)

**DAY 13: NOVEMBER 9, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**M is for Music** _

_I'm pretty sure this one is very obvious._

_God knows how much we've almost killed each other during a fight one time because we fought over whose music taste is better._

_We tend to get into small arguments very much. We could go from arguing about how much you have gotten taller to how much we've started treating each other differently as time went by._

_Still, at the end of the day when both our prides wouldn't let us say sorry, you'd just send me your favorite song and everything starts to be okay later on._

_I honestly think that music is really that powerful because it can express feelings that couldn't be expressed through words alone. I really want to thank you because you gave me a reason to find myself relating to each of those sweet and romantic love songs._

_There's this quote I read online and it says, **"As we grow up, we understand that the days are all about the music and nights are all about the lyrics."**_

_I never really thought of this is as something serious until I found myself crying last night over the lyrics of the last song you sent me. I think it was that time when both of us started saying mean things to each other because we were both tired from work and we let our emotions act on their own before even thinking about it first._

_When I immediately heard the lyrics that goes like: **"You alone are enough for me, because there's no need for words, I know by your eyes"...**_

_I immediately lost it._

_I realized that we have already shared so much things that we don't need to have words to let each other feel what we really want to say._

_We really... made it... this far._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

I started to listen at the first lines of the song again and tears automatically escaped my eyes.

**_Will I be able to smile without you?_ **   
**_Just thinking about it makes me cry_ **

_I didn't even reach the chorus and I already stopped the song playing._

_My eyes, which were now blurry from the tears, were only staring at the playlist I made for him titled **"listen to this when you feel like giving up."**_


	15. Letters to Kihyun (N is for?)

**DAY 14: NOVEMBER 10, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**N is for Nunugom** _

_You have probably expected this since I've already mentioned about Hamgom._

_Truthfully, Nunugom wasn't supposed to be "born" since not much people in the company liked him when his design came out for approval. You were the one who told me that I should push through with him and in the end, a lot of people liked it._

_After its release, you named the stuffed toy Nunugom because you said it reminds you so much of me. I don't really know in what perspective though._

_I still have my own Nunugom beside my bed and I honestly want to put it in the shelf starting today because it's haunting me of so many old memories._

__

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	16. Letters to Kihyun (O is for?)

**DAY 15: NOVEMBER 11, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**O is for Ocean** _

_I don't know if the right word is beach or ocean but nevertheless you got my point._

_You loved seeing the ocean. You're the type of person to be sentimental over seeing the waves and the sunset by the beach._

_I remembered during our first anniversary, we went to the beach and spent the night there. We witnessed the sunset and sunrise by the beach together and after that trip, we got closer than ever._

_I think oceans will always give me the nostalgic feeling because it will always remind me of you and the moments we shared._

_These are some of the photos I took during that time._

_I'm letting it go now._

__

__

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	17. Letters to Kihyun (P is for?)

**DAY 16: NOVEMBER 12, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**P is for Piano** _

_There's always something about your piano playing that I like. You didn't apply for any piano lessons and just learned it by yourself, but still, you were good._

_I have a piano here at home although I didn't know how to play. But whenever you come here, you always have something prepared to play for me. Your piano playing always manages to calm me down and you have a good way of channeling your emotions to the people listening to you._

_There was one time when you performed in one of our university programs without even practicing your piece very much. You just walked into that stage like a pro and started playing._

_I even took a picture and video of you performing that day._

__

_You were so dazzling that day I can't even believe that you're the Kihyun I knew. For a moment, it felt like I couldn't reach you._

_You're so good in almost everything while I'm just right here... I'm just born privileged and rich but I'm not really talented in lots of things._

_I remembered the name of the piece you performed that day. You said it was Étude Op. 10, No. 3, Étude in E Major "Tristesse"._

_I never really cared about classical music stuff like this but when I tried to search it last night, I found that "Tristesse" is a French word translation for "sadness"._

_I wonder, what made you choose to play that piece out of all the pieces out there? Did I miss something?_

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

It was that time when my mom told me that I'm way too out of your league. 

Then it struck me for around weeks and I realized the fact that... _she wasn't wrong._


	18. Letters to Kihyun (Q is for?)

**DAY 17: NOVEMBER 13, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**Q is for quod periit, periit** _

_Do you remember when we took a Latin course together back in college? We had to memorize lots of Latin phrases and when you were asked by the professor what your favorite Latin phrase is, you said it's "quod periit, periit."_

_The phrase means "what is gone, is gone" or "which is lost, is lost."_

_When the professor asked you to explain your view on it, you said that it just simply means that we shouldn't dwell on our past and mistakes and that we just have to look forward and try to be better._

_You're right. What is gone, is gone._

_I don't really know why but as soon as the letter K segment started, this whole dare has become too real and too sad for me._

_Ps. I already realized why Jooheon made me start this last October 28. I can't believe I was already in Day 17 when I finally realized that it's 9 days before November 22._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

_gratus aeternum_


	19. Letters to Kihyun (R is for?)

**DAY 18: NOVEMBER 14, 2020**

* * *

_**Dear Kihyun,** _

_**R is for Ring** _

_I think I would skip on this one for now._

_You'll know later why._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

_That's... it?_


	20. Letters to Kihyun (S is for?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update!

**DAY 19: NOVEMBER 15, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ ** ****

**_ S is for Starbucks _ **

_The Starbucks in front of our university was indeed a memorable place for us—for you, to be exact._

_I think it has witnessed almost every episode of your mental breakdowns when you were still studying._

_I remembered when I ran to you at almost 12 midnight there because one of the baristas answered my call and he told me you were already asleep and you were having a nosebleed just a little while ago._

_As what I have said, you’re always all out when it comes to your studies and I’ve always admired how hardworking you are. But still, I wish you would stop putting too much pressure on yourself any longer._

_I wish you’ll realize that you have been doing well enough right now and that I’m always proud of the person you have become._

_I wasn’t really the type of person to study hard. Rather, I was the type of person to chill and is very much okay with just a passing grade without minding too much of high grades._

_Yet, because of you, I tried to do more than the bare minimum. When I witnessed how dedicated you are to your dreams, you inspired me to do more as well and I think that’s one of the reasons why people get into relationships, you know? It’s to inspire and help each other to be better._

_You’re that kind of person to me._

_All your Starbucks picture in my gallery are usually just about you reading and writing stuff looking stressed but there’s this one picture I caught._

__

_I remembered it was the time when you were proud of me for getting the highest score in my Accounting class_

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

Thanks to you, my years of studying have been worthwhile, Hyunwoo. It was hard as hell but it was bearable and worth all the tears and frustrations because you were there with me along the way.

_From the bottom of my heart, I thank you._

_But if I’ll let go of my pride and competitiveness, I’ll be left with nothing. So… I’ll keep holding on to it until I’ll get tired._

_I’m so sorry for making you worry all this time._

_You can let go of those worries now._


	21. Letters to Kihyun (T is for?)

**DAY 20: NOVEMBER 16, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ ** ****

**_ T is for TwoTuckGom/2TGOM _ **

_First of all, I think I never had the chance to say this to you but… you contributed a lot on how 2TGOM is now._

_I just graduated from college back then when I have to take over of 2TGOM as a side company of Son Inc.. I wouldn’t even have to argue on this but it was pretty obvious that between us, you’re the one who has a greater sense of confidence on things. You were never afraid to take risks and do things compared to me who is always a coward._

_Whether it’d be on the ups or downs of the company, you stayed by my side and kept me sane from all the pressure and burdens I’ve been experiencing._

_I never got to thank you but yeah… thanks a lot for keeping me sane all these years._

_2TGOM has already achieved a lot of things through the years. Amidst all the backlashes it received, you were always there to remind me that it’s normal to experience failures sometimes._

_Here’s a picture that I found on one of the archived albums during the company’s victory party two years ago._

__

_Thank you that I got to enjoy my victorious moments in life—double the fun—because you were there enjoying it with me._

_I hope that you felt the same way too._

_Just as how you’ve always supported me, I’ll always support you too. Maybe I’ll never have the chance to support you in person like before, but I’d be silently rooting for you on the sidelines._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	22. Letters to Kihyun (U is for?)

**DAY 21: NOVEMBER 17, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ U is for University _ **

_This is where we started anyway._

_We met at the first semester of our first year in the university through Jooheon. I know we didn’t start off pretty good. Looking back, I don’t really know how we ended up being together._

_I’m really thankful that I spent my four years in college with you. Never once did you make me feel that you were a distraction or a burden but rather, as an inspiration._

_Back then, I always badmouth or mock people who are in a relationship while still studying. I’ve always been a witness of people being in toxic relationships because their lover would demand so much of their time and would get mad for replying a minute late._

_But you were different._

_You have always understood me and I understood you too. We understood each other together._

_It just seemed really different now, and I think I took too much advantage of that._

_Here’s our first and last selca in my phone back in college._

_The first one was not intentional. I sent that selca to Jooheon in our group chat because he thought we were lying that we have already arrived in the meeting place and that he’s the only one we’re waiting._

_The last one was taken after our graduation practice._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	23. Letters to Kihyun (V is for?)

**DAY 22: NOVEMBER 18, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ V is for Volunteering _ **

_One of the reasons that made you so different to any other person is that you have the heart for helping others. You always loved to sign up for volunteering activities when we were in college. Whether it’d be about social campaigns, donations, mobs, and community outreaches, you were always present._

_Come to think of it, the day I first saw you was when you were campaigning against the commercialization of agricultural and indigenous lands in the provinces. Back then, the first thing that came into my mind was “why would he bother going through all the measures to fight for people that doesn’t even concern him?”_

_And when I volunteered with you for the first time, I found the answer to my question._

_Seeing the smiles of those people you’ve helped gives you a different sense of fulfillment. That was the answer I found._

_You made me experience a lot of things I didn’t even imagine myself doing. Thanks to you, I got to experience what is like to be thanked by others and to be appreciated even in the smallest acts of kindness._

_For once, I felt like I was needed._

_Even after we’ve graduated, you always see to it that what you’re doing is something that would benefit a lot of people. You even became a doctor because you wanted to go to remote areas and volunteer into treating people who can’t afford to go to hospitals._

_Sometimes, I think that you’re too awesome to be real._

_I have lots of pictures in my phone during our volunteering days but this one is especially my favorite._

__

_This was when we went to an orphanage and you taught the kids how to sing a Christmas carol. You were very fond of the kids and the kids really liked you. On the opposite, I was just standing there like a statue, trying to camouflage, because I can’t even string two coherent sentences together when it comes to communicating with children._

_You’ll do great having a family someday, that I can assure._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	24. Letters to Kihyun (W is for?)

**DAY 23: NOVEMBER 19, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ W is for Wonho _ **

_I wasn’t really planning on dragging him into this mess but he’s really the only W one I could think of._

_I didn’t like feeling jealous. For me, being jealous is a childish thing to do. That’s why, it took me a long time before I admitted to myself that I was jealous of him. It’s not because you and him were close, but I got jealous of him as the person he is._

_Sometimes, I really ask myself why you’d choose someone like me instead of someone like him who is almost the embodiment of your “perfect man” dreams. Unlike me, he’s smart, good looking, talented—and I’m not even halfway worthy of being compared to the things he can do._

_But then, that’s life._

_Life doesn’t come to us according to our own script and liking. Just so you know, you weren’t my ideal type either. You were not the least bit wrecking my ideal-type-of-person list before._

_I just really don’t know how. I just fell in love with you and I didn’t even realize it right away._

_Okay, but back to Wonho, I don’t really get it if you’re just dumb or just innocent but I don’t get why you didn’t realize Wonho liked you even with all the hints he was dropping in front of you._

_I still have the photo of the three of us in my gallery and I don’t really get why it looked like I’m the one thirdweeling on the photo?_

__

_Anyway, Wonho is still a friend and he even helped me surprised you one time._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	25. Letters to Kihyun (X is for?)

**DAY 24: NOVEMBER 20, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ X is for X-Men _ **

_I was initially freaking out before I started this dare if I would be able to come up with an object or memory of us starting with the letter X._

_Thank God I remembered that X-Men was my favorite movie back in college and it’s something that you didn’t appreciate._

_And even though you didn’t want this kind of movie genre, you went with me on the theater one time to watch X-Men but in the end, you instantly turned into a movie analyst and started criticizing it in front of my face._

_I will not make this long since I know you’re probably not interested but here’s one of the famous lines in one of the X-Men movies which I think you needed to hear._

_It says:_

**_“…most people will never know anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes.”_ **

_It’s just that I’ve been a witness of how much you wanted to meet the expectations of other people and that you’re afraid of what other people may say if they saw your failures._

_You said it’s already hard to experience being in a gutter when you have already been in the pedestal for too long—and I understood that._

_But still, I wished you knew that no one can ever judge you of things you can or can’t do. You’re the one who knows yourself best, please keep that in mind always._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *


	26. Letters to Kihyun (Y is for?)

**DAY 25: NOVEMBER 21, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ Y is for YOLO _ **

_Yes, YOLO is your very much clichéd motto._

_One thing that I really liked about you is that you are full of confidence and you’re not afraid to try new things._

_You said that life is too short to have regrets. You taught me to start living a life with no regrets._

_I was wondering, along the way, will you ever regret loving me?_

_I hope that no matter how many times we have hurt each other, you’ll only remember the good things and won’t regret letting me in to your life._

_‘Cause I never regretted once._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

_There’s no need to regret on things that were once worth it._


	27. Letters to Kihyun (Z is for?)

**DAY 26: NOVEMBER 22, 2020**

* * *

**_Dear Kihyun,_ **

**_ Z is for Zenith Garden _ **

_Finally, I’m at the end of this dare. You probably expected that this is going to be the one you’ll read on the last day of the dare._

_The Zenith Garden near our university was very memorable to us. We confessed to each other here… and sadly, we ended our relationship there as well._

_After our classes, we often hang out there for a little while and just enjoy the night breeze while we talk about things that do not really matter._

_It’s just sad that a place that was once filled with good memories is already scarred with a sad one._

_I think going there right now wouldn’t be the same as it was before._

_I think Jooheon did a great job of planning this whole thing._

_Today is November 22._

_Happy birthday, Kihyun._

_For the last time, can you meet me at the Zenith Garden later? I want to give my birthday gift personally._

_It’s the continuation of the “R” segment of the dare I didn’t get to finish before._

_I’ll see you. Just five minutes of your time will do._

_\- Hyunwoo -_

* * *

* * *

to hyunwoo:

_Thanks for the greeting. Sure, I’ll see you later then. I have something to give to you too._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended song: day6 - i smile :)


	28. Best Wishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this is the last chapter!

**KIHYUN'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

I let out a heavy sigh as soon as I got inside the taxi on my way to meet Hyunwoo.

It’s been so long since I actually saw him in the flesh. After that day we decided to end things, there was no aftermath conversation. No one asked each other to stay or come back or rethink what we said and decide again once we’re feeling better.

I’m not gonna lie, for the first few days it was hard.

Even though I got used to not talking to him much anymore when we started treating each other coldly, knowing that we actually ended things really hurt.

_But it certainly was for the better._

Instead of having expectations, only to be let down, and getting disappointed for each passing day, I actually think ending things would make myself feel more free. It felt like we’re continuing to hold on to the relationship because we’re already seeing it as an achievement rather than something as a commitment.

I don’t blame him though, because along the way, I have my fair share of guilt on why our relationship started getting downhill.

Sometimes, I would initiate fights that weren’t even worth the argument just so I could start feeling things and get validation for it. I started bringing up unnecessary things during conversations and when I didn’t get the answer I wanted to hear, I’d lash out on him. I’d say sorry and he’d forgive me and the cycle repeats.

On the other hand, Hyunwoo got more and more impatient and ill-tempered for the past months before our break-up. He’ll tell something like _“how am I supposed to know what you want when you won’t tell me?!”_ and when I’d actually tell him how I feel he’ll get mad and make me feel guilty for opening up. In the end, I’m the one who had to say sorry.

On the worst days when I also had a rough day in university and hospital, I’d shut him out and get back to him in revenge as well. We won’t talk for days and it became more of a competition of pride.

It went to the point where the relationship has gotten unhealthy.

Where have we gone wrong? I don’t really know. Do I still love him during those times when we were already on the verge of breaking up? Yes I still do. I have convinced myself that I still loved him the same way since day 1 but why does it doesn’t feel the same way anymore?

Even if you’d ask me right now, with how the dare went on for almost a month, I’d lie if I didn’t say I wasn’t shaken.

I realized all the good things we had through those letters and how bittersweet everything was. Honestly, some of the words I have read there were words I’ve heard for the first time coming from him. It’s true that in our relationship, I’m more expressive with words than him. For the past years of being with him, I learned his silence and language that even without words I understood what he meant.

Right now, I really can’t anymore though.

It just suddenly became empty and tiring. I just merely have my eyes on my dreams at the moment, that’s it. I don’t want to chain myself on the idea that I have to stay in a relationship that isn’t working out anymore just because we have been together for so long.

Sure, if we really want, we could try to work things out. But maybe, not now.

As soon as I arrived and got out of the taxi, I already saw Hyunwoo’s figure from a distance, sitting on the bench where we last met. Every step towards him was heavy that it almost made me want to step back and run away.

**“Thanks for meeting me,”** Hyunwoo said as soon as I neared him. 

Compared to the last time I saw him in personal, he became thinner. I never really noticed that when I seem him appearing in TV, not until I became face-to-face with him once again right now.

_Nostalgic because I could remember myself exactly saying the same words he said nine months ago._

**“You don’t have to thank me,** ” I replied.

**“I’m going to make it short as what I’ve promised,”** he said.

_He’s still in a hurry as always._

He took a little box from his pocket and handed it to me.

I already knew what is was and yet… when I saw it with my own eyes, I felt a tight squeezing in my chest as if it was gonna rob me of my breath.

I opened the box and saw a silver diamond ring—an exact embodiment of the dream ring I told him last time when he asked me what kind of ring is my type.

I looked back at him, my eyes asking for explanations. _Why hand them to me now?_

He just smiled. **“Just take it as a birthday gift. You can do anything with it. If you want to keep it then keep it. If you want to throw it then do so.”**

**“Why a ring?”** I asked.

His eyes bore into mine and I hate how at that moment, I could tell the words he wanted to say just by looking at those eyes.

_**“I was supposed to propose to you this year in your birthday.”** _

Although I was fully convinced that no words could shake me even when I’m right here standing in front of him, I tried my best not to let a single tear escape my eyes.

**“I already bought this last year when I went to UK, I didn’t expect…”** he paused as he pursed his lips, _**“…we’d break up.”**_

**“Thank Hyunwoo,”** I replied. **“I’ll just keep it as a gift.”**

He nodded and smiled. **“Happy birthday again, Kihyun,”** he replied. **“I think I already talked too much in those letters so I’m just gonna wish you the best, as always.”**

I looked at him straight in the eyes. **“I read every words in those letters,”** I started. **“Honestly, I’m always a few seconds away from being shaken every time I read your letters,”** I paused and let out a heavy breath before I continued. **“But my decision is still the same, Hyunwoo. I already prefer how things are now. Our regrets are just natural as we look back to those past memories… but don’t let it deceive us too much.”**

And then he asked me the most haunting question. _**“Do you still love me?”**_

I took a deep breath before I averted my gaze. I couldn’t look at him.

_**“I loved you, Hyunwoo. I really did. But that’s all in the past now. I still love you, but it's the same way I feel for everyone else I love.”** _

I caught a glimpse of his hands trembling.

**“I see,”** he replied and smiled once again. _Why does he keep smiling that?_ **“I’m really okay with whatever it is that you want,”** he added. **“I didn’t regret sending you those letters because I realized a lot of things and I think… it’s gonna help me start something new again.”**

I took an envelope from my bag and handed it to him. **“This is my reply to your letters. I just wrote it since I don’t think I would be able to say them all personally,”** I said.

He nodded and took it. **“I’ll be sure to read it. Thanks a lot, Kihyun.”**

He slowly neared me. _**“Can I hold you one last time?”**_ he asked.

No words came out of my mouth. I just nodded.

_Then he hugged me._

**“Let’s stay like this until I’ll finish speaking, okay?”** he said, and I just nodded. **“Thanks for a lot of things,”** he started. **“Thank you those seven meaningful years. Actually, I understand your decision because along the way, I also have thoughts of breaking up with you. I knew I love you and yet I ask myself, why?”** I felt his voice shaking. **“I knew deep down in my heart that I still love you the same way as before, but why? I don’t really know. Maybe we deserve more than these uncertainties. _Maybe from now on, we were meant to grow apart._ ”**

He kissed me on the forehead. _**“Maybe if we’re meant to be, we’ll find ourselves back to each other’s arms again next time, don’t you think?”**_

* * *

**SHOWNU'S POINT OF VIEW**

**_Kihyun's Letter_ **

* * *

_Hyunwoo,_

_Thank you for your letters. Once again, you made me feel that I did great things for the past seven years._

_There are lots of things I want to say to you, but all the words I wanted to say are in this song I listened just a few months ago. It’s called “Wish on the Same Sky”. I’ll write the lyrics here and say the words I want to say so give the song a listen if you have some time, okay?_

_I hope you’ll read it until the very end. This is my response to all the words you gave me through your letters._

**_“I want to see the happy me, smiling_ **   
**_Maybe not today, things aren’t going so well_ **   
**_In this expanding room, the graffiti on the walls are smiling_ **   
**_The counts of all the memories are making me miss you more”_ **

_Honestly, I didn’t think much about you when I’m at work or when I’m doing my research. But at the end of every day before I go to bed, when I stare at the ceiling, you’d still haunt my memories. The usual routine of receiving “good night” and “I love you” before going to bed in the evening and before leaving the bed the next morning… it all got me thinking that there’s still a part of me that missed those routines._

_I’m a few steps towards the dreams I have always worked hard for. My mind has been all about my achievements lately, but sometimes, I still have this habit of wanting someone to hear how my day was and someone to whom I could brag about my achievements. I realized that the feeling of excitement from getting awards and successes only last for a little moment._

_That got me wondering, am I really just doing all these stuff to seek validation from other people I want to have the best impression to? I don’t know also. This time, I want to start doing it because of myself—for myself._   
  
**_“I hate losing and I cry sometimes_ **   
**_Oh you’re the one, baby you’re the one_ **   
**_That intensity you show sometimes and how you crack a smile_ **   
**_Everything about you is warm”_ **

_You were the one. I don’t know if you’re still the one, but I’m owing all my thanks to you. There are a lot of things I’m thankful for. Just as how you said in your letter, we helped each other achieved what we are having now. We are on the peak of our own personal successes that we’re already too busy to look out for each other._

_Because of that, we ended up hurting each other, and before we could even continue hurting each other any longer, let’s just end it. Before our good memories will turn into hurtful ones, let’s keep the good memories while we can._

**_“Wish on the same sky, our irreplaceable bond,_ **   
**_I can’t describe it in words, so we’re singing today with your soul”_ **

_I think no one could ever replace that bond we ever had. We’ve known each other for eight years and have been together for seven. I think seven years is long enough to be considered irreplaceable._

_And I think even if someone else will come and love me again in the future, they could never replace you._

**_“This is not goodbye, we will shine here_ **   
**_Hoping you’ll get this message_ **   
**_At the place I was always with you”_ **

_This is not a goodbye, Hyunwoo. I don’t want to say goodbye. I think that it’s just childish to set aside what we had just because we didn’t end up together._

_We could start again, maybe not together, but in our own ways._

**_“Under the same sky with different paths_ **   
**_We are still searching for the place we belong to”_ **

_That’s right. We’re still searching for our own selves. It’s ironic that at this age, we are still unsure of the paths we have taken._

**_“We break up but overlap again at times_ **   
**_Until we’re at the end of the road, do what you do”_ **

_If I start searching my own path and I saw you at the end of the path I chose, will we still choose each other again?_

_I’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ll see each other. Until then, do what you need to do. Chase your dreams as well. I’ll be supporting you as always._

_It’s not wrong to choose ourselves._

**_“Anytime, anywhere yeah_ **   
**_Everything is okay babe_ **   
**_Irreplaceable pieces_ **   
**_I’m praying deep down from my heart best wishes”_ **

_I sincerely wish you the best in life, Hyunwooo. **“As long as it will make you happy, then it makes me happy too,”** –you remember this phrase, right? I will always feel that way. So wherever you are, I hope you’re chasing the happiness you have always dreamt of._

**_“Oh life is so beautiful_ **   
**_The strength from picking yourself up will turn to kindness”_ **

_Life has indeed become beautiful with you. We’ve been through the hardest and yet, we can say that so far, we have enjoyed._

_We have no regrets._

**_“I’m sure we will grow together_ **   
**_I believe I can see you again”_ **

_If we see each other again after chasing our personal dreams, would we still feel the same?_

_I wonder._

**_“Looking up at the stars, hugging your heart_ **   
**_Even if the seasons change_ **   
**_Even if you weren’t for me_ **   
**_I still love you”_ **

_As long as we’re under the same sky, I’ll continue rooting for you._

_Thank you for the love that made me kinder. Being able to give love and be loved wholeheartedly is something I didn’t expect I’d go through._

_I’m sorry for being the first one to let go. Actually, you didn’t do anything wrong. It might be on me, who’s not already confident to make you happy or make myself happy by staying._

_We just chose to choose ourselves and that’s not a bad thing. No one did wrong. Life just really got in between._

_‘Til next time, I hope when we’ll meet again—even coincidentally—we could still smile._

_\- Kihyun -_

* * *

_ \- end - _

_A/N: I'm ending this with a quote from NANA:_

**_"No matter how much or how often people hurt each other, loving someone is never a waste."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it's not the ending everyone wished for! Truthfully, this story was something out of experience and I thank everyone who shared their thoughts and have been patient with it.
> 
> As what the ending quote said, loving someone is never a waste (but still, case-to-case basis).
> 
> Choosing ourselves is okay. Although it's hard, there are times where we need to compromise.
> 
> And if time will come where you'll have to choose between something you really love and something you really want, go with the one where you'll think you have lesser regrets.
> 
> Everyone of us is still under the same sky, so maybe, if it's meant to be then it will be :)
> 
> Thank you for your long hours reading and anticipating for this, and indulging me with your kind words. 'Til next time!

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts and your thoughts are always welcome and appreciated. If you have any thoughts, leave some comments. :)


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